2: Water is Water

Welcome back! I’m glad there was something within the brain vomit that you could assimilate with:)

Here's an old video that I'll always cherish.

February 23, 2022. Glad we got better at guard passing, lol.

Fighting is violent to the nonpractitioner, but when you begin to understand it. Holy shit, is it beautiful. My dad got me into MMA when I was really young, and to this day, we always call each other when a big fight gets announced, or I’ll come home from Champaign so we can watch a fight together. MMA is a huge part of my life. I am training 2-3 hours a day, every day, for this fight. No one knows how much time they have left, including my father. I’m so grateful for him, and it would be a dream come true to have him watch me win my debut while he’s still here. Not a single thing in the entirety of the cosmos could make me happier than to see how excited he would be to see me win. 

I'm so hyped about this fight. 

It is the reason I sleep content. It is the reason I wake up excited.

…wait, what?

fuck. 

Chaos

I understand how much this means to you. That promotion. That girl. That vacation. These are all great things when they come to fruition, but why should you ever make your emotional state contingent on one specific thing occurring? There are infinite amounts of variables that are endlessly shifting. This is Chaos. My hand is the result of it. Chaos and the world are synonymous. So, ask yourself:

what’s the r-value of chaos and your desired outcome?

You’d be embarrassed to answer and still believe you deserve a specific outcome. If you made your emotions contingent on the external factors of your being, you would ride a ceaseless rollercoaster of chaos, never to form your own path in life but rather to be a piece of driftwood in a storm.

Let’s take a step back…

The universe gave me every reason to be frustrated, but looking retrospectively, it has given me so many beautiful gifts as a substitute. Although I can no longer train, I have reconnected with old friends, given myself time to slow down, and learned to wipe with my left. 

(Note to Self: I’m just now taking in the fact that whatever this is may never have existed if I was never injured. Isn't fate poetic?)

The sea has currents that will guide you well over half your journey. However, there will be points where the sea lies entirely still, with not even a gust of wind. You WILL feel defeated. But under no circumstances are you allowed to think it would be better to float motionless or have the audacity to turn the ship and return to the port. YOU MUST ROW, and row, and row, and row, and row, and row, and row, and row, and row, and row, and row, until you sail the current once more. So I beg you to never stop rowing, no matter how turbulent your journey is. If you have an unapologetic Faith that the current will lead you to paradise, you will become indifferent to the shifts in the current. Some people may take years to reach their destination; even when they arrive, it is never their original destination. SO STOP THINKING ABOUT PARADISE. Take a brief moment to look back and appreciate the unique charm of your journey.

Water is Water.

Joy is not good. Joy is not bad.

Sadness is no better. Sadness is no worse. 

Feelings are natural. Feelings are what make me human. Ask yourself: 

How can something natural be bad or good? 

It can’t. 

Feel emotion. It is imperative, but never attach yourself to it. Thoughts are the water flowing through the river of the mind, and you must be able to see that water is a commodity. One thought is no different than the rest. Categorize it as just a thought or just a feeling. It is all water flowing through the same river. If you become obsessed with a single droplet, you will drown yourself trying to find something that cannot be found.

As always, I urge you to challenge my beliefs.

— Z.Y.